


This is where I give up

by FlamboyantProblematic



Category: Quantum Break (Video Game)
Genre: M/M, Oh boy im back at it again, Some tears will be shed, prepare for angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 16:21:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10903017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlamboyantProblematic/pseuds/FlamboyantProblematic
Summary: He did care, he did want to say words that hung heavy on his tongue and ate him up on the inside... but social interaction was never his best trait. Words buried and unspoken, they could have changed the world... only if...





	This is where I give up

"We need to work together to get through this."

The clock ticked in the background, it seemed like the only sound Will could hear. Though his eyes were focused on the man that sat across from him, a man he once knew. His figure turned from scrawny and pathetic to strong, his hair greying with stress and old age when it was once a dark, youthful black. His blue eyes matching Will's own. Both of them haven't slept in a long time. 

"Are you listening to me?"

Will could see the man's lips moving but for the life of him he couldn't make out the words! 

"William!"

He recognized his name but not the voice that spoke it; stern when once it was cheerful and childish... full of hopes and dreams. 

Paul Serene sighed and stood up, walking towards his best friend's brother. Will didn't move, his eyes glued to where Paul sat, he didn't even feel the other man sitting on the table now, close to him... so close he could reach out... and kill Will if he wanted. Wasn't this what it was all about? 

"Why, William?" The question caught the older Joyce's attention and he finally lifted his head to meet the ill blue eyes of Serene. "Why are you doing this to me?"

Will didn't understand. 

"Haven't Jack and I done enough?"

Hearing his little brother's name from this stranger's lips felt eerie, as if it were spoken by a ghost.

"Haven't we tried hard enough? Where did we go wrong, William? What have we not done?"

Will had no words to say so he said nothing. His gaze was no longer focused, instead of looking at Paul he was now staring at something behind him.

"Didn't we do our best? Tell me!"

He sounded demanding, a tone of voice that his younger self would have never been able to croak up...

Then his expression turned soft.

"Ever since I was a kid, I looked up to you. I thought you were the single most brilliant fucking mind in the universe. Your work was extraordinary, no one can think the way you do."

Paul placed a hand on Will's shoulder, careful to not alarm him with the sudden movement. The weight of his hand was friendly and not threatening, but Will couldn't help but tense at the contact.

"I studied your work but I could never understand it, not the way you do. Science... it spoke to you in a language only you could understand."

Paul's expression changed, soft still, but now he seemed old and tired. 

"I sat there... and watched you decay for years. Jack and I, we tried to hold your hand. We tried to help you. We were always there... But you just kept fading away."

The words sounded so heavy, the weight of them crushed Paul's heart.

"We tried so hard to get you back... but we couldn't. Nothing could. Not the meds, not even god himself could bring you back. I sat there and wondered for years why he didn't. Why didn't he help us? Why didn't he make you better? I was tired of it, Jack was tired of it."

His grip on Will's shoulder tightened slightly. 

"Jack left. I stayed. I looked after you as best as I could, not because Jack told me to... but because I cared."

Then Paul's gaze was drifting, he too became unfocused. 

"Every time I saw you I just thought... this was the man that I once did the dishes with, watched sci-fi shows with, listened to music with. Why? Why did this happen? Why did you go? Why did you keep getting worse? Why? Why? Why? What are we doing wrong?"

He sighed.

"I guess Jack got tired of asking 'why?' I did too. Sometimes I still wonder though, I'm sure Jack does as well."

Paul's hand moved gently, merely ghosting over Will's neck where it rested once more. 

"Those six years I've spent alone with you, making sure you ate, making sure you didn't end up hurting yourself or burning the house down... they made me realize you weren't the genius I looked up to anymore. You weren't the man I once loved"

It hurt Paul to say it; deep down he still believed in William's brilliance but dim hope meant nothing right now.

"You're just this now, a man chasing shadows. Broken, sad, pathetic. No one can help you, no one can save you."

He didn't believe his own bitter words, didn't want to. The Paul Serene that believed in William Joyce was still in him, fighting to have a say in this conversation. 

"You're just a dead man walking"

Was Will even listening?

Why wasn't he saying anything? 

God, why?

Why did things have to be this way? 

Why?

Why?

Why them?

What did they ever do to deserve this?

Why?

Why? God damn it!

Why?!

The pent up rage from his unanswered questions were eating Paul up, the corner of his lips twitched... he was so exhausted.

Both Paul's hands came up to Will's face, each resting on one cheek, forcing the other man to look at him, forcing him to focus. 

"I loved you!" He said, "Did you even notice?!" He didn't mean to say it as loudly as he did but he was growing hopeless "I loved you so much and it is the hardest fucking thing I ever did. You'll never know how it feels like to love someone like you, someone so smart and so out of touch with the world. Someone so amazing yet..." sick, so very sick in the head. Does Will even remember how to feel anything anymore? Does he even care?

For a moment Paul thought yes, when Will was looking at him, actually looking at him. His lips parted slightly as if he was going to say something, as if he was finally going to speak and end this suffering. But nothing came... no words, no sound... nothing. 

Paul was so close to the other man at the moment, so close he could just lean down and kiss him if he knew that it wouldn't kill him, wouldn't poison his heart. Maybe the sheer shock of it would force a word out of Will, even if it was something as negative as angry yells. Paul could take it, he could take the rejection... but not this silence, not this torture.

There were times Paul told himself 'Will was doing his best. He is trying' especially as a kid, back then it was so easy to believe. Will did little things like drove them around, took them to camp, every now and then they'd have dinner outside. Those things gave Paul hope. He knew they took so much effort from Will. They erased every little bad thing he did. It made him believe things were going to be alright even when Jack didn't believe the same. But now it was harder to appreciate those things. He wasn't a kid anymore, he wasn't that naive anymore. 

If only he could silence the voice in his head that told him otherwise

If only Will said something...

If only things played out differently...

If only...

Then Paul was regaining his composure.

"But it doesn't matter," he pulled back, expression growing cold. "The feeling is dead." He lied, maybe to convince himself. "There's a world to save and we're running out of time. We will do this with or without you." Paul placed his arms behind his back, his expression still lifeless, much like Will's own. "Though I prefer if you'd come with us, saves us and the world some valuable time. If not then..."

Perhaps in another world, another time, another universe things would have been easier. But Paul has lived so many different scenarios that its gotten tiring and having to do this over and over again... it was sucking the life out of him. 

He just hoped one of them would be different, hoped Will would be able to break free of what was holding him back in his head and clouding his vision. He just wanted to hear a 'yes, let's fix this together' but it was impossible, he knew... all that spoke was silence.

Silence...

Nothing but silence...

Will had gone away, retreated into the safety of his mind where Paul was just a cloud, a blur. They didn't have time for this. It was hopeless. Not like it mattered, Paul already knew what Will was thinking... there was nothing he could do to change his mind.

"I see," Paul sighed... he was disappointed, so disappointed. What a waste of fucking time... "Goodbye, William."

And just like that, with a newly wounded heart... Paul Serene walked out of the memory that might have as well never existed.


End file.
